Common Sense about Common Sense (aired 11-30-2016)

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Sponsors: Jams By Kim, TrophySkin, Checkup Kits, Kamigami Robots

Title: Episode 30-16

Length: 30:00 minutes

Writer: Steven E. Savage

Host: Doctor Ackrite

Medium: Podcast

Music: no music.

ANNCR: Today’s Doctor Ackrite’s Get It Together Podcast is brought to you by Kamigami Robots. Build your robot, design your app. Tell them how to move. Kamigami Robots, a new toy by American toymaker Dash Robotics. And we are also brought to you by Checkup At Home Wellness Tests for Cats and for Dogs. Find out what could be bothering your pet in as little as 60 seconds. We’re also sponsored by Trophy Skin Personal Microdermabrasion. Go to www.trophyskin.com and take the free skin assessment and  Find your best skin. And we are brought to you today by Jams by Kim. One good taste and you’ll know you’ve been settling for less than the best.

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HOST: On this episode of Doctor Ackrite’s Get It Together Podcast, we’re going to talk about common sense. What is it? Is it really common? Spoiler alert:  Nope. And if it isn’t, why isn’t it? And if it isn’t, why do we call it that? Let’s get into this topic right now (beat) as soon as the barista calls my name.

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HOST: Hey hey hey, guys! You’re gonna have to come over here by the fire. I live in Northern New Jersey and, let’s just say it’s cold. Cold, cold, cold. Yup. We knew this day was coming. We knew it. Not a surprise at all, but I can’t pretend to love it. But I love you guys, so I’m here for you anyway. Oh, thanks so much guys for loving me back. That’s so nice to fake-hear. It warms the fake cockles of my very real heart. You know? By the way, the fire isn’t real either. It’s 2016 and crackling fires are expensive. Got a space heater though. Right here in the studio. Who wants in? Who wants some of this magic? Nice and toasty! Just ask my make-believe studio audience. (falsetto ventriloquist voice) Yep. Nice and toasty! 

HOST: So, guys, because it’s getting cold. No. Because it is cold, when we go outside, we have to dress for the weather, right? That’s common sense, right? When it’s 30 degrees Fahrenheit, that’s not the time to wear your shorts and your tank tops. I know we have a large grouping of listeners from countries where Fahrenheit is a foreign term. Just know that 30 degrees is below freezing. You could literally take food from your freezer and place it outside and it will stay frozen. If that happens to hamburger meat and to frozen carrots, what do we think will happen to our bodies out there? So isn’t it common sense that you have to dress for the weather? Isn’t it common sense that you have to wear long sleeves and full-length pants or leggings beneath your skirt and a winter coat—zipped and/or buttoned—and a hat on your head and over your ears, and gloves or mittens on your hands, and a scarf over your face? We had a 22-year-old girl staying with us for about 18 months who was from Argentina—a very warm-climate country. 

HOST: And she had never left her home country prior to coming to stay with us for a bit. But she knew, as soon as she saw snow—for the first time, by the way—that she couldn’t go outside without proper clothing. Now I have spent a lot of time on this show bragging about my near-perfect children. And they are amazing people who make me happy every day I know them. But, guys, that doesn’t mean for a moment that they don’t ever get on my nerves. Get my goat. Annoy the skin off of me. Tick me off even. They do. Not often, but they do. My two younger kids are 11 and they seem determined to contract hypothermia before their 12th birthday. Guys, it seems that every single day I have to inspect these two otherwise smart, smart kids to make sure that they are not walking out of the house wearing bikinis and speedos.  Seriously. I’ve seen these kids… No, you have no idea. Love my kids unto death. Really, I do, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see my son wearing platformed flip-flops and a sombrero from Señor Frog’s. Let’s just say that their judgment is less than ideal sometimes. You see, guys, my kids have lived in a protective bubble called dad for the past 11 years. 

HOST: The totally unflattering term for the kind of dad I am is “helicopter parent.” I really can’t help myself because I’ve seen so much ugly in the world—and I don’t want them to experience any of it firsthand. So I’ve basically followed behind my kids with a broom and long-handled dustpan like the cleaner at the circus who follows the elephants and cleans up the poop.  Consequently, my kids have spent very little time in doctor’s offices and hospital emergency rooms—you can’t see me, but I’m knocking on my forehead like it’s wood. Don’t want to tempt fate. But seriously, guys, they have turned into truly nice people. They are thoughtful to a fault, careful of people’s feelings, generous and loving without having to be reminded. They are funny, creative, smart, clever, ironic, polite, and all those other things we want our children to be. What they are not, though, guys… What they are not, at least not yet, is intuitive about common sensical things. They don’t have that type of intuition. God love them. They just don’t. I suspect that I have, in my desire to give them all of those other wonderful traits—or at least help to bring them out in them, I have somehow cost them some of that instinct that seemed so common in my neighborhood when I was a kid.  

HOST: Don’t get me wrong. We had our share of idiots on and around Olive Street in South Bend, Indiana in the 70s and 80s, but I really think we had more innate survival skills. Because the temperature could be well below zero in the winter and well above 90 in the summer, we knew from our youngest how to dress for the weather. Seems to me that when we went outside and the wind cut through our clothing, we were underdressed and we didn’t make that mistake again. Seems to me that when we couldn’t walk more than a few steps without getting snow inside our high-topped Keds, we knew how to go home and put on boots—if we had boots. My kids don’t have those instincts. God love them. They just don’t.  Let’s take a break.

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ANNCR: Pomegranate Orange for Tammy, because she’s so sweet. And Lime Ginger for slightly weird cousin Stuey. Strawberry Habanero for Mom—of course. What else? Jams by Kim ships all over the country and to any APO box abroad. Easy peasy. I may still have to eat Margaret’s mashed potato flake surprise (“Surprise! It doesn’t taste very good”) , but at least I know one thing on the table that was made right and with love. Jams by Kim: One good taste and you’ll know you’ve been settling.

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HOST: I truly don’t know why we started calling these instincts “common sense.” If they really were that common, would we really need to complain as much as we do? I don’t think so. So what kinds of things are covered by so-called “common sense” anyway? Dressing for the weather, clearly. Rolling up your windows before you bother to lock your car doors when you park? Yup. What about smoking in the room with your children? I’m not a fan of smoking to begin with, but I try not to judge what adults do to themselves—to a point. 

HOST: But how can I not judge you if you smoke in a car or room with your kids—especially a baby—who can’t just go to another room, get out of the car, or leave the house? What the actual heck is wrong with you? Why isn’t the harm caused to children by second-hand smoke a matter of common sense? I think it certainly is, but people still do it. And what about those people who take their children to gun shows and ranges and who celebrate greatness of guns and firepower? That part is a matter of personal choice. I get it. Our constitution has a whole amendment dedicated to that sort of activity. And it’s one of the biggies. No problem there. But then there are the parents who, after teaching their kids that guns are sacrosanct and magical, leave their weapons loaded and unlocked—around little kids. How many children have to die, or live with having killed a sibling or a parent or a friend, before we can all agree that this is a matter of common sense?  I know. I know. Some of you think I have my judgy judgy pants on today. Maybe I do. So sorry. Not sorry. Common sense also touches relationships, guys. In a major way. I sometimes think that some people suspend their good judgment when they become convinced that they have met the love of their lives. 

HOST: Look, sometimes they have. And I think that’s marvelous. Really I do. I do. Stop it. I do. Just because I haven’t had the best run myself doesn’t mean that I don’t believe in love. I just don’t believe it is as common as people pretend it is. But that’s another episode for another day. Guys, I want to talk about the people in relationships that are caustic, cancerous. You know the ones? I have a buddy who is a felony prosecutor in domestic violence. We talk a fair amount about the cases that come across his desk. He represents the people in his jurisdiction when he goes to court. He is not a lawyer for any particular person. But the nature of the work he does puts him into close proximity with domestic violence victims—most, but not all, of them women. And cases don’t usually land on his desk unless the alleged abuser has caused serious harm to the alleged victim. Often involving fists, knives, guns, scissors, acid, fire, or rolling automobiles. These are not emotional slap cases. These are stalking cases, attempted murder cases, rape cases. Not that slapping is without consequence, but an open-hand slap can be spontaneous and isolated. Most open-hand slap cases don’t involve premeditation. 

HOST: People don't usually plan to slap. But the other cases, the cases my buddy handles usually do involve some degree of premeditation. So think about that for a moment, won’t you? Imagine that you're dating a person or married to a person who claims to love you tenderly and dearly, and you start a life with this person, maybe buy a house, rent an apartment, have a child with him. And then one day, that person suspects that you might be seeing someone else, or that you are dressed too sexily, or that you have taken too long to put dinner on the table, or that you did not answer his call quickly enough, or that you didn’t get his favorite beer when you went to the store, or you didn’t respond quickly enough when the baby started crying, or just because he had a bad day and felt like taking it out on someone—and you were there. These are the cases that form a Jenga pile on my buddy’s desk. They join his pile when the alleged abuser threatens the victim with a pistol, or hits her in the head with a meat cleaver, or pushes her out of a moving car on a parkway, or cuts her face so she will only be pretty to him, or splashes her face with acid. Now this behavior doesn’t usually come without forewarning. 

HOST: This behavior usually escalates from verbal abuse and insults in the early days. That’s a matter of sociological fact. It’s also a matter of common sense. But here’s the part that blows my mind, sets me adrift on a rickety raft with no hope of rescue. A majority of the alleged victims whose cases land on my buddy’s pile wind up recanting. That is they either change their story—lie to the prosecutor so that he cannot reasonably proceed with the case against her abuser, or they fail to show up to testify before the grand jury and often the cases have to be reduced to a misdemeanor or lower. Then, flash forward a few days, weeks, months, and lo and behold, these alleged victims are back on my buddy’s desk—having been—you guessed it—attacked brutally by the same guy. You see--more often than not, she had never actually stopped being involved with her attacker.  That is clearly a matter of common sense, or a lack thereof, right? Once again, guy who loves you, beats you with a baseball bat, you don’t show up, and he gets a misdemeanor. You keep dating him—in violation of the order of protection—and he beats you even more severely the next time. 

HOST: Not lacking compassion, but who saw that coming? Umm, only everybody.  Or at least everyone with common sense.  We’ll be right back.

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ANNCR: So I tried Checkup at Home Wellness Kit for Cats this week. My devoted listeners know that my kids and I recently became cat parents when a tiny stray kitten entered our lives a couple of months ago. We named her Gekko. Gekko is a healthy kitty, but she did have a tendency to drink water accidentally through her nose. And that causes her to sneeze sometimes. And it also causes her to breathe funny. So I wanted to know whether this was normal. I called our vet and she reassured me that this is fairly common, especially with kittens that may have prematurely separated from their cat moms. So we didn’t take her to the vet. Instead, I got a Checkup at Home Wellness Kit for Cats, just to be sure there was nothing major going on with little Gekko. This test is amazing, guys! It really is! Although you are collecting urine from a cat, the kit is non-invasive and totally stress-free. It’s also 100% natural and completely non-toxic. It gives four test results on the spot in 60 seconds. Checkup can detect the most common issues, including High Glucose Levels, Kidney Failure, Urinary Tract Infection, and Blood in Urine. 

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HOST: To me, although common sense is far from common, we ought to see a good deal more of it than we do. For example, we live in what could easily and objectively be described as “an uncertain world.” We do. Right? We live in a world where we know that our children are less safe than they used to be. They are less safe at church and at school. 

HOST: They are less safe at home and at the homes of some of their friends. They are so much less safe that we don’t even allow them to ride their bikes or skateboards a few blocks to hang out with their friends, unless an adult is available to supervise them. We read in the news or hear on the radio about abducted and victimized children seemingly every day. We are aware that children are exploited sexually every day in many homes, religious congregations, extracurricular activities, and schools. And we know that the internet is a minefield of, shall we say, bad messaging. It used to be possible to encounter pornography sites and hate speech online if and when we dug deeply enough or searched long enough. And that wasn’t that long ago. Now, of course, we don’t have to dig at all. Even with the child safety filters applied and safe search turned on, explicit and illicit content and advertising shows up in nearly every search session. We know full well that the average ages have dropped to 7, 8, 9, of children who are exposing themselves sexually online, using sites like YouTube, YouNow, Periscope, and Twitter, or using applications like Musicly, Instagram, and others. Look, I know this stuff is unpleasant to discuss, but we do need to discuss it, don’t we?

HOST: We know that children are creating a permanent record of their bad judgment and likely derailing their futures by—well, by being kids and pushing the envelope every day. This stuff used to be the purview of unscrupulous men and women working in undisclosed locations in unstable unnamed and uncontrollable third world republics where life was cheap and children were not valued, but they were valuable.  They would produce this stuff—they did it for decades—and sell it into this economy through networks not unlike those that smuggled hard drugs into our world. Oh, and the mob—organized crime—was instrumental in getting it out of those countries and into VCRs and dvd players and onto computer screens around here. That isn’t who's making and disseminating this stuff any more. And it isn’t random foreign children we don’t know. It’s being done by children in our own neighborhoods.  They're doing it to themselves. They’re roping other children into these so-called games. And it’s unclear whether any of these children do this stuff with any sense of the horrible adult people—the predators—who are out there looking for these photos and videos and waiting to add it to their collections of child pornography. 

HOST: Whatever their motivation, kids are luring other kids into sacrificing their innocence and potentially ruining their futures. We know this stuff is happening, guys. And yet, even though we are smart—at least we believe we are—we don’t do much to legitimately increase their safety, do we?  We hand our children laptop computers and internet access as soon as they can pronounce the words. We send them to their rooms and, as long as they're not making any noise, and as long as they're not actually asking for our help, and as long as they don’t raise any particular alarms, and, importantly, as long as they don’t interrupt whatever it is that we've got going on, we let them do their worst. To themselves. To other children. We hand them smartphones—not flip phones—I’m guilty of this one too. We tell ourselves, and our friends, that we want them to be safe as they come and go in the world. They need to be able to check in with their parents when their plans change and they need to be able to call for help if the worst should happen. So they need a phone. That part is most likely mostly true. 

HOST: But is it true that they also need a miniature computer with unfettered internet access? One that they can carry around and use however they see fit? And is it true that they also need an internet-connected video camera and webcam and applications that they can use to broadcast their indiscretions to the entire world? Umm. No. And do they need unrestricted access to YouTube and YouNow and Periscope? And do they need to be able to post photos of all kinds to Instagram and Pinterest and Twitter at all hours of the day and night, instead of doing homework and classwork? Instead of sleeping? And do they need to be able to chime in as part of these huge group texting chains? You know. The ones where bullying and body shaming typically take place and where there is absolutely no adult supervision—because you are too busy to supervise their phones and see what they're doing with this modern-day Swiss Army knife. I’m gonna say that they probably don’t need all of that stuff. In fact, we've pretty much just made their lives immeasurably more complicated when we introduce this device into their lives and don't really put any rules around its use. 

HOST: Oh, and by the way, you're kidding yourselves if you honestly believe that they ever intended to use these “phones” to call anybody. Least of all you or me. Oh my gosh, we’re such idiots. Okay, not you guys. You guys are super smart. I, however, am a dumdum. Let’s just say that none of us is showing very much common sense with regard to computers and smartphones. And other aspects of their lives. I am not saying, even for a moment, that they shouldn’t have access to these modern-day necessities. Of course they should. But the access, like any other ostensibly good thing, should be limited to what is reasonable under the circumstances. Remember that concept of limited? Remember when things had limits? Remember when you first learned to drive and the law said that you could drive, but only with a licensed adult in the car? Remember when you used to go to the Buffet-style restaurant and it would place a limit on the number of trips you could make to the “unlimited” crab bar? Remember when we were afraid to talk too long or text too much on our cell phones back in the day because we worried that our horrible cell phone bill would go from merely bad to catastrophic in one afternoon? 

HOST: And remember how the bartender would cut you off after so many drinks, in the hopes that you wouldn’t somehow kill yourself or someone else because of your profound intoxication? Limits, guys. I know it’s a sincere pain in the butt.  Wait, can I say butt? The imaginary sensor in the imaginary wings of my very real studio has said yes, but only once per episode. Already used that one. Okay, so it’s a sincere pain in the bum to have to place limits on our kids. We want them to have it better than we did when we were kids. We want them to have it as well or better than their peers and their friends. And, not unimportantly, we want them to like us and to think that we’re cool. But guys, we’re never gonna be cool. Not to kids. And we can’t be their friends. Their friends laugh at fart jokes and eat yogurt from a tube and wear shorts when it’s just above freezing outside. And they’re 11. That ain’t us. Knock it off. Grow up. Be the adult in your relationship. If you don’t, you will be sorry. Place some limits and keep your children safe. Watch what they’re doing and keep them safe. 

HOST: Double check that they are where they say they are and they are with whom they say they are with. Check their homework, talk to their teachers, meet their friends’ parents. Meet their friends, for goodness’ sake. Stop thinking “not my child.” “That isn’t going to happen to Suzy or Arthur. They’re too good. It can’t happen to them.” Because the mothers and fathers of all of those missing and exploited kids have made statements just like that—and they were wrong. So now this is a matter of common sense. Now let’s work on making it common. Let’s take a break.

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HOST: Wow. Well, guys, we have reached the end of our half hour, again, and I hope you have enjoyed it even half as much as I have. I can’t believe we’ve talked our way through another 30 minutes. Well, at least I have, but I could feel you nodding and shaking your head. Hey, that counts, right? We want to thank our generous sponsors. Please visit their websites and learn more about their products. You’re gonna love them, so do not hesitate to buy. They deserve it! I’ll put the links in the episode description as usual. These sponsors keep us talking, guys so let’s show them some love! Many many thanks to Checkup At Home Wellness Kits for Cats and for Dogs. Your pet can’t talk, so you need to be sure. Go to www.checkupkit.com for more information and to buy your kit today! Thank you, Kamigami Robots. The very best toy gift for the future STEM superstar who happens to be your kid. We also want to thank Trophy Skin. Discover your best skin by taking a free assessment at www.trophyskin.com. And many thanks to finally, thanks to Jams by Kim. Find your good taste at www.jamsbykim.com. One good taste and you’ll know you’ve been settling. Guys, come on back next Wednesday because you know I’ll be here, just like I always am. I know you’re busy this time of year, but you’d better make the time to be here too. If you're not, you already know we’ll just be talking about you. I love you guys and I hope you are already having a great holiday season, whatever that means to you and your family. And, by the way, guys, have an excellent week. Enjoy.

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